Fighting all the uncomfortable emotions in life really doesn't work. The majority of my life I just wanted to run away from sadness, anger, jealousy, etc. When I'm sad especially, my M.O. is to judge the sadness, try to get rid of it. My dad and a few great friends would say "It's OK to be sad, just let yourself be sad."
This is one of the jewels I got from the Debbie Ford Shadow Process. I'm not saying I'm expert at staying in the sadness, but I am finally seeing that "what you resist persists." When I fight the darkness, it really does stick longer.
And, I can also take action -- the Lazy Way -- not over-doing, over-exerting, just taking some actions that will make me feel better. For instance, I'm going away today for 4 days. I return the night of my birthday. I am flying into LAX in time for what was going to be birthday dinner with my boyfriend. So, I called a friend and set up that we will go out for chocolate layer cake instead. And, so that I don't come back to a depressing house, I filled the house with flowers that will still be lovely when I return. And, I got myself a huge new orchid plant that is gracing the table next to my front door.
But, some preparations cannot be done alone. I received my first birthday card yesterday which is literally the most perfect card for me. It's adorable, makes me smile and laugh, and it has a dog on the cover that looks just like my dogs looked when they were babies. So, when I come home that card will be right in front of me as I walk in the door.
My dad always sent me flowers on my birthday, and showered me with love. My boyfriend would have probably given me some as he did last year. So, I covered the flower front. And, my incredibly thoughtful friend covered the best card on the planet front, so that I will know I am loved no matter what the circmstances on my birthday when I walk in the door that night.
We are all loved no matter what. Dealing with the loss of the love you WANT and can't have is hard, so one of the Lazy Ways to deal with it is focus on the love you HAVE right here, right now, and take some little action to remind yourself of what should be quite obvious.
We are all very, very loved...no matter what.