Saturday, May 14, 2011

Lazily Finding My Best Self

Last night I went through my closets yet again, culling out more old stuff that I never wear or don't really like.  I was slightly ruthless.  I am clearing out the old, making more space almost every day.

I'm doing it on every level.  A couple days ago I had a divine Reiki/Shamanic session that lifted the weight of pain from my recently discovered betrayal that happened in my last relationship.  It had been tearing me apart for weeks.  But, this session lifted it and cleared my heart...just like one of my closets!  The very next morning I realized I woke up genuinely happy (a smile on my face, no less) for the first time in a few dark months.

Today, I was filling the house with fresh flowers, clearing out the old ones -- right now as I look up from my computer I have two huge tulip bouquets in my sights -- and I am literally so happy just looking at them.  I've made sure to have as much beauty around me as possible these last few months, but now I can fully take it in.  That's really something.

Today was also weigh in day at Weight Watchers and I am lighter than I've been in probably 12 years.  My goal weight that I thought was "as good as it gets" was 5 pounds higher than I am now.  My new goal is 10 pounds lighter than I am now.  And, I honestly don't know how I thought my previous goal was acceptable to me.  I really get that in many ways -- including in my relationships with men -- I was stuck in the "as good as it gets" mode.  

Part of the mechanics of keeping that mode alive was a conversation I had with myself about hard work.  With relationships I think I was way too willing to work way too hard.  Yes, relationships are work, but not as hard as this last one!  And, I had a conversation about weight loss that said getting to my ideal weight would be too hard.  I heard myself saying on several occasions: "I'm not willing to work as hard as it would take to have my ideal body."

The bottom line: neither has to be hard.  When you are whole and not looking for food or love to fill up the holes, it's not an obsessive treadmill.  It's easy, drama-free, an easy flow of energy.

I am declaring right now that my next relationship will look like my weight loss journey: stress-free, flowing, and truly honoring myself. 

Now that, my friends, is LAZY!

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